RIP Check-Out Lines: Some things you'll stop doing in 2017.

Elliot Friar

 

Last year was… an interesting 365.25 trip around the sun on planet Earth. But, we’re officially in a new time span that for some reason already feels like the future as so many of the most mundane tasks we perform on a daily basis are poised to change completely. And our behavior will have to change with them. Here are X behaviors you’ll give up in 2017 and look back on in a nostalgia.

 

1. Driving a car on your own.

While completely autonomous vehicles won’t launch for consumers this year, our cars are quickly developing minds of their own. This is bad for the millions of chipmunks saved every year from empathetic humans swerving to dodge them, but pretty cool for us. Here’s a video of a Tesla sensing a crash two vehicles deep and braking in time to avoid damage or injury... on autopilot.

 

2. Going to a cashier or self check out.

Imagine never being judged by a cashier for buying a family-sized bottle of ranch and 5 microwaveable pizzas, or never screaming at a self check-out automated voice because “YES I DID PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!” Well, Amazon is making that happen in 2017 with Amazon Go starting in Seattle.

3. Wiping your butt.

Obviously we’re going to slide this one in because we’re a bidet company, but it’s actually true!! Everyone is talking about putting antiquated pooping to bed, and the time is now. Few things that were invented before the beginning of the 20th century continue to be used in the same way, and toilet paper should be no exception.

Here’s Chief Execpootive Officer of Tushy, Monica Pereira, showing you the best bidet in the universe (and click here if ya wanna get that new rear for the new year).

4. Remembering what you need to buy at the store.

Who needs to eat another cheese-less sandwich because you forgot to buy your favorite chipotle gouda at the store, when you can holler what your fridge is missing at your Google Home or Amazon Echo and have it sent straight to your phone. Ugh, I love living in the future so much.

 

5. Putting your luggage on your bathroom scale.

The amount of times I have had to frantically move clothes from my luggage to my carry-on at a flight check-in counter is deplorable. Luckily, we’re in 2017 now and you can have luggage that sends its 50-pounds-or-less weight to your phone.

 

6. Blaming events on an arbitrary time period.

Last year got so much flack for being the year a lot of bad things happened. But, this year we will realize that we only have ourselves and mortality to blame for everything bad that happens. Unless a catastrophic astroid hits planet Earth and decimates all life. Other than that, we have the power to make this year better. Let's doo that sh*t.